Sloshed in the Suburbs : A Report From Westport Vice

Crime round-ups in newpapers are usually dreary, paragraphs on urban mayhem that lack the Dickensian details that make for compelling reading. So imagine my twisted pleasure today when I picked up a copy of the Westport Minuteman, a weekly covering the not-very-crime-riddled streets of Westport, Connecticut, where I once lived.

The "police reports" page provided loving details on the kinds of mayhem the WPD faces daily. I know all the locations discussed in the paper and can picture in my mind the WPD in action involving surly drunks, sodden underage drinkers, and alcohol-fueled confrontations in the parking lot at Trader Joe’s on Post Road East (see a theme in these items ?).

A number of them dealt with the aftermath of Westport’s venerable Fourth of July fireworks event. Having attended this event in the past, I know the fireworks are great and the post-event traffic jams horrendous. Getting stuck in traffic is aggravating, but getting stuck in a traffic jam while inebriated AND holding a law degree sounds like a very bad situation indeed — one that led one man to babble that his rights were being violated by jack-booted thugs of Westport traffic enforcement. Here is my favorite item in its entirety. The Volvo is an oh-so-Westport detail that’s too delicious to omit :

A Parks & Recreation employee, assisting with the fireworks traffic detail, was standing at the Compo Beach entrance when a vehicle came out of Soundview parking lot. The complainant stated he directed the driver of a blue Volvo to turn right out of the parking lot, but instead the Volvo turned left abruptly and attempted to continue towards Soundview running over a cooler and nearly striking another Parks and Recreation Department employee. An officer observed the blue Volvo traveling eastbound onto Soundview Avenue driving around pedestrians and other motor vehicles in the area. The officer attempted to make contact and stop the driver, identified as MS [name omitted, where embarrass the guy even more ?] of Westport, but he continued to drive on. The officer continued running on Soundview Avenue after the vehicle, tapping on the driver side window with his flashlight. MS stopped the vehicle in the drop off area of Soundview Road, visibly upset that he had been stopped. At the time of the incident Soundview Avenue was closed to vehicular traffic because of the extremely high volume of pedestrian traffic due to the firework detail. While speaking with MS, the officer observed that he had red glassy eyes, slurred speech, was belligerent and said he could smell an odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath. MS was hostile and was yelling. MS objected, saying the officers were violating his constitutional rights. At this time, the streets and area were filled with people exiting the beach fireworks. MS repeated himself on numerous occasions, demanding the return of his license. MS stated the accusation was false and he at no time struck any one or any objects. MS got out of the driver’s seat, and indicated he was an attorney for the second time. He was advised several times to get back into his vehicle until the issue could be resolved. MS was taken into police custody by police and transported to police headquarters. He was charged with driving while intoxicated and breach of peace. He was given a July 14 court date and released on $1,000 bond.

I’ll have to make Westport vice a required reading stop — and maybe Greenwich, too, where the slammed hedge fund guys must be getting into trouble left and right, even when sober.